Laying down judgement at work

Laying down judgement at work

To create connected work environments how might we open the possibility of laying down our judgement of other human beings?  For most of us it is difficult to approach our working relationships free of judgement, criticism, and cynicism.  

As a facilitator, I have a perspective and a distance from group dynamics, and over the years I’ve developed a keen eye for when a member of a group is either on the attack or is feeling attacked. It’s in their body language (eyes down, arms crossed, disengaged), in their verbal responses to questions and … Sometimes, judgement is brutally overt. {share example} whereas sometimes it’s implied.

There is good reason why humans judge and it comes down to survival.   Our brains are still operating as if we were still roaming around the plains of the Saraha Desert.  We judge to protect ourselves from danger.   Will this person harm me?  Is this person competition for me getting my basic needs met?  Could this person get me kicked me out of the group and then I am really done for?

Furthermore, our brains have a negative bias.  We are prone to focus on the bad things and this can lead us to assume the worst about others.  Of course, in a professional context this can be detrimental to us and the performance of our organisations. My personal experience of shifting to a more wholehearted approach to other human beings in the workplace has been transformative from both a personal and work impact perspective. 

It takes effort to suspend judgement and nothing good comes without us doing the work on ourselves.   The Indian Philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti said that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.

So what can we do?  A good start can be to cultivate more compassion at work.   I resonate with Brene Brown’s definition from her book Atlas of the Heart.  She defined compassion as the daily practice of recognising and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness.

A method that I have used at work to unlearn a judgement response and relearn a compassionate response is having what I call a curious conversation.  It is often with someone who I am struggling to convince that I am right, or whose opinions are radically different from mine.  My intention for the conversation is to simply to ask lots of questions and to really listen.  To slow down at work and to connect in this way is certainly not the norm but could be exactly what is required in our disengaged work environments.

In closing I share with you a poem from Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg’s classic book Non-Violent Communication.  This was written by his friend Ruth Bebermeyer and reading it has challenged me to question tendency to judge too quickly.

I’ve seen a man who never ran

while I watched him, and I’ve seen

a man who sometimes slept between

lunch and dinner, and who’d stay

at home upon a rainy day,

but he was not a lazy man.

Before you call me crazy,

think, was he a lazy man or

did he just do things we label “lazy”?

I’ve never seen a stupid kid;

I’ve seen a kid who sometimes did

things I didn’t understand

or things in ways I hadn’t planned;

I’ve seen a kid who hadn’t seen

the same places where I had been,

but he was not a stupid kid.

Before you call him stupid,

think, was he a stupid kid or did he

just know different things than you did?

I’ve looked as hard as I can look

but never ever seen a cook;

I saw a person who combined

ingredients on which we dined,

A person who turned on the heat

and watched the stove that cooked the meat—

I saw those things but not a cook.

Tell me, when you’re looking,

Is it a cook you see or is it someone

doing things that we call cooking?

What some of us call lazy

some call tired or easy-going,

what some of us call stupid

some just call a different knowing,

so I’ve come to the conclusion,

it will save us all confusion

if we don’t mix up what we can see

with what is our opinion.

Because you may, I want to say also;

I know that’s only my opinion.

I am curious to understand your thoughts on judgement in the workplace? Do you agree that a more compassionate approach is good for the business?   Please share your thoughts and experience in the chat.